Cheesie Mack Is Cool in a Duel

  What kids are saying about

  Cheesie Mack:

  “Hey, Cheesie!!! I am a BIG fan right after reading your book a few minutes ago. You and Georgie are awesome!!!”

  —Max, Singapore

  “Your book was amazilicious! I ate it right up!”

  —Lila, New York

  “I read the whole book in two hours, it was so good.”

  —Hunter, Texas

  “I totally love your book! P.S. I love mack and cheese too!”

  —Amanda, Wisconsin

  “I can’t wait until your next book.”

  —Liam, Alberta, Canada

  “I loved your book! I just finished it and as soon as I did, I ran to my computer and went on your website.”

  —Cara, Connecticut

  “This is the best book I’ve ever read!”

  —Michael, Illinois

  “Cheesie Mack is the best!”

  —Monica, Massachusetts

  “Ronald Mack, you have grabbed my funny bone and tickled it!”

  —Tanvi, South Carolina

  “Keep writing, Cheesie Mack!!!”

  —Ella, California

  READ ALL OF CHEESIE’S ADVENTURES!

  Cheesie Mack Is Not a Genius or Anything

  Cheesie Mack Is Cool in a Duel

  Cheesie Mack Is Running Like Crazy!

  READ ALL OF CHEESIE’S ADVENTURES!

  Cheesie Mack Is Not a Genius or Anything

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Text copyright © 2012 by Stephen L. Cotler

  Cover art copyright © 2012 by Douglas Holgate

  Interior illustrations copyright © 2012 by Adam McCauley

  All rights reserved. Published in the United States by Random House Children’s Books, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.

  Random House and the colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.

  Visit us on the Web! randomhouse.com/kids

  Educators and librarians, for a variety of teaching tools,

  visit us at RHTeachersLibrarians.com

  Visit Cheesie at CheesieMack.com!

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Cotler, Stephen L.

  Cheesie Mack is cool in a duel / Steve Cotler; illustrated by Adam McCauley.

  p. cm.

  Summary: The summer after fifth grade, Cheesie and Georgie go to camp in Maine, where they discover that they are bunking with the older kids and Cheesie

  must face off in a Cool Duel with dreaded Kevin Welch.

  eISBN: 978-0-375-89571-5

  [1. Camps—Fiction. 2. Contests—Fiction. 3. Maine—Fiction.]

  I. McCauley, Adam, ill. II. Title.

  PZ7.C82862Ch 2012 [Fic]—dc23 2011016921

  Random House Children’s Books

  supports the First Amendment and celebrates the right to read.

  v3.1_r1

  For my children and their partners,

  from whom I continue to learn.

  And for Ann.

  Contents

  Cover

  Praise

  Read All of Cheesie’s Adventures!

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Preamble Who Wrote This Book … and Why?

  Chapter 1 Lovey-Dovey Goon

  Chapter 2 Operation Bus Blaster

  Chapter 3 The Greatest Camp in the Whole Known Universe

  Chapter 4 The Toilet on the Wall

  Chapter 5 Little Big Guy

  Chapter ? The Legend of Double Wobbly

  Chapter 6 The Challenge and the Hack

  Chapter 7 The Cool Duel Begins

  Chapter 8 CheesieCheesie + Strange Day

  Chapter 9 Dance Double Cross

  Chapter 10 JAMPAC

  Chapter X+ The Siege of Barnswall Sloo

  Chapter 11 Shorts, Snakes, and Sneaking

  Chapter 12 The One-Armed Man

  Chapter 13 The Final Vote

  Chapter 14 The Final, Final Vote

  Chapter 15 Coda

  Appendix A How the Point Battle Is Scored

  Appendix B Visit CheesieMack.com If …

  Acknowledgments

  About the Authors

  Who Wrote This Book …?

  I did. My name is Ronald Mack. But almost everyone calls me Cheesie Mack. Get it?

  I’m eleven.

  … and Why?

  I wrote this book because everything in it happened to me, and it was terrific, scary, goofy, and weird, but not exactly in that order. I’ve already written the whole story you will read after you finish this chapter. And now I am doing this chapter last even though it comes first.

  I call this the Preamble chapter because even though it’s a word that most kids don’t know, I think it’s perfect. Pre means “before” and amble means “walk.” So this chapter comes BEFORE you go for a WALK through the story of how I was Cool in a Duel.

  If you’ve already read Not a Genius or Anything, which was the first book I ever wrote, then you already know that:

  1. This book takes place the summer after I graduated from fifth grade.

  2. I live in Gloucester, Massachusetts, with my parents and grandfather and one older sister whom I call Goon (even though her name is June) because she is usually rotten to me. When my first book ended, the score of the Point Battle between Goon and me was 623–616, with her barely ahead. I’ll explain all that later, and you’ll have to read this book to find out who’s ahead now.

  3. I have a super-best friend named Georgie Sinkoff, who lives on the other side of the little creek behind my house. I have known him since we were really small.

  4. When this book starts, Georgie and I are on a bus that is heading north to summer camp in Maine.

  But if you didn’t read Not a Genius or Anything, then you’re reading my second book before my first one. Even though that’s backward, it’s probably okay. But you should know that:

  1. I was the second shortest kid in fifth grade, but I grew over the summer, so now I’m the fourth shortest boy, and since two girls are now shorter than me, I’m the sixth shortest in sixth grade. So, since there are twenty-five kids in my class, 20 percent of them are shorter than I am. You can probably guess that there are lots of word problems in sixth-grade math.

  2. I have brown hair, brown eyes, and three freckles on my nose. Georgie has reddish-brown hair, greenish-brown eyes, and cool glasses with bright red frames. He also has braces, which I may get later this year. He is the strongest and way tallest kid in sixth grade.

  3. My ears stick out. (Even though I didn’t want to, Georgie insisted that I mention this because he says it’s the first thing people notice when they meet me. But once this sentence ends, you will see that I did not mention my ears even one more time in this book because no matter what Georgie says, my ears were not important to what happened.)

  4. And, as you can tell, I like making lists.

  I started writing Cool in a Duel one minute (not kidding!) after finishing Not a Genius or Anything. I am now in middle school, so it took me a long time to write this story because of all the homework. Just like my last book, this one is totally true. I did not make anything up.

  I hope you like it. If you don’t or do or whatever, please go to my website and tell me what you think.

  Signed:

  Ronald “Cheesie” Mack (age 11 years and 2 months) CheesieMack.com

  Lovey-Dovey Goon

  QUESTION: What should a kid do when his evil older sister sn
eaks a half-melty chocolate bar onto his seat in the movies … and he sits on it … so when he goes outside after the film is over, people laugh at him because it looks like he … well, you know.

  ANSWER: Wait three days until she’s forgotten all about it … and then take advantage of the perfect opportunity to embarrass her back!

  *

  “Kevin’s getting out of his mom’s car,” I whispered to Georgie. “Can you see Goon?”

  “She’s over there,” he replied, pointing toward a crowd of girls near the front of the nearest bus. “I don’t think she sees him yet.”

  I switched the setting on Granpa’s digital camera to movie mode.

  It was the fifth of July, and we were scrunched down behind a car in a big parking lot just north of Boston. All around us, parents from Massachusetts, Connecticut, and Rhode Island were driving up and unloading kids and suitcases, sports equipment, backpacks, and other camp stuff. In a few minutes, we’d begin the four-hour bus ride from Boston to Camp Windward (boys) and Camp Leeward (girls), which are on the shores of Bufflehead Lake in central Maine.

  “She’s spotted him. She’s waving,” Georgie whispered again.

  I peeked around Georgie. Goon had left her friends and was walking toward Kevin Welch, who is thirteen, an eighth grader, and my sister’s so-called boyfriend.

  “Let’s move out,” I whispered.

  Actually, we didn’t need to keep our voices low. The bus engines were running, kids were jabbering, and our targets (Goon and Kevin) weren’t close. But if you’re on a secret revenge mission to catch your sister saying something totally embarrassing to her jerky boyfriend, whispering is exactly right.

  Bent over in a half-crouch, Georgie and I ran toward them, making sure to stay behind parked cars and groups of people. We hid behind one of the six buses, just a few feet away from Kevin.

  Goon was getting closer.

  I flipped out the camera’s view screen, started filming, and edged my arm around the back of the bus. I moved my hand until I had Kevin and Goon in view.

  “This is going to be such a great summer, Kev,” Goon said.

  “Uh-huh,” he replied.

  She reached out and took his hand. I started to chuckle, but stopped when I realized I was shaking the camera.

  “Only bad thing is”—she reached for his other hand—“we won’t see each other very much at all.”

  “Uh-huh,” Kevin said.

  She rocked their arms back and forth, kind of like she was dancing with him.

  “Oh, Kevin,” Goon said.

  Georgie, staring at the camera’s view screen over my shoulder, whispered in a Goonish voice, “Ohhhh, Kevin.”

  “Shhh! You’ll get in the microphone,” I warned.

  “I’m going to miss you so, so much,” Goon said.

  This was perfect! Her face was all lovey-dovey. I couldn’t help myself—I laughed out loud.

  Uh-oh! The look on Goon’s face suddenly changed from lovey-dovey to I’m-going-to-slug-someone!

  I took off running. Goon pushed past Georgie and charged after me, but I am faster by far. Dodging kids and duffel bags and parents, I dashed to my bus and leaped up the steps. Goon followed me in, but by then I was all the way in the backest row. The camera was still recording, so I aimed it at her.

  “Give me that camera!” Goon shouted as she stomped down the aisle toward me. Her mouth and eyes were pinched with anger.

  “Girl on the bus!” yelled one boy.

  Georgie appeared behind Goon. “Call the bus police!” he yelled.

  “Alarm! Alarm! Alarm!” screamed another kid over and over.

  Goon looked around at the dozens of boys who were now hooting and laughing at her. She turned red, spun around, shoved Georgie, and ran out.

  It was a victory for me in the Point Battle, which is my secret way of keeping track of the war between me and my sister. Nobody—not even Georgie, and especially not Goon—knows anything about the Point Battle. Causing Goon to do something embarrassing when other people are around is worth four points. Her lead was shrinking. The score was now 660–657.

  If you’re good at math, you probably noticed the score’s gone up a lot since my last book ended. That’s because there have been lots of Point Battle events (like my chocolate pants!) in the days between then and this bus ride to camp. Because there was no school, the two of us had to be around each other a lot, so Goon was constantly attacking. She’s older, meaner, and sneakier, so I had to be extra clever and vigilant (that means “watchful”) just to keep the score close.

  I put the Point Battle scoring rules at the back of this book in Appendix A.

  An appendix is sort of like a chapter, but it’s at the end of a book. An appendix is also some kind of thing inside your body. You probably know that, but do you know where it is? And do you know you have a philtrum near your nose? Or a tragus on each side of your head? There are all sorts of weird words for parts of the body. I stopped sucking my pollex (that’s a thumb) before I was two. You can look these up on my website. I have a page that lists strange body-part names.

  Lots more boys came onto the bus. It was getting loud with all the chatter, most of it about camp. I have gone to Camp Windward every summer since I was seven. If you like fun, it is the best place ever. Great friends, lots of sports, and plenty of adventures. I even saw a moose once. My grandfather is the camp director. At home I call him Granpa, but at camp everyone—even me—calls him Uncle Bud.

  Since Granpa runs the camp, you might think I would get special treatment, but he is really strict about things like that. When I asked why, he said, “Fair-and-Square is my middle name” (which it isn’t), and then gave me a squinty-evil-eye (which is a Mack Family Tradition that means the squinty-evil-eyer has a secret or is kidding or something). But I do get to be the first kid onto the bus, and I always take the backest row. Sitting there has several important advantages:

  1. If you sit anywhere else, fun things might happen behind you, and you won’t see them.

  2. No one can sneak up on you.

  3. Every other bench has only two seats. The backest has five, which means you can be with more friends.

  I could hear and feel suitcases and stuff being loaded into the compartments under our feet. I leaned down and touched my sock. The five straws were there, right where I’d put them this morning.

  Why did I stash straws in my sock? Only twenty minutes into last July’s trip, while I was playing License Plate Alphabet Race against Georgie (the rules are on my website), a bunch of boys began zapping everyone with spitballs.

  We were sitting ducks. The only thing we could do was duck behind the seat in front of us. We were ducking ducks. Every time we peeked out: ZAP! SPLAT! More spitballs.

  This year I came prepared. If a spitball war started again, I’d be ready with:

  1. Weapons—One plastic straw for each kid in the backest row. I did not bring the flexible kind. Or the kind that come with juice boxes. Those are too skinny.

  2. Ammo—Several sheets of paper. You tear off a piece, then chew it into a wad the same size as the inside of a straw. Several shots can be stored in each cheek, and lots more can be ready for action in your T-shirt pocket. It’s better if you let them dry out before you put them in your shirt. I’m sure you can figure out why. (Do not use newspaper. It tastes terrible.)

  3. Accuracy—Georgie and I had practiced at home. I am good, but he is unbelievably accurate. Any kid closer than four rows would be toast. At six rows, we had a fifty-fifty chance. At eight rows, who knows?

  I began chewing paper and adding to my ammo supply. The bus was almost full. I was sitting right in the middle of the backest. Next to me on one side were Georgie and my camp friend Robbie Turner. Robbie’s brother, Evan, also a camp friend, had his head down in the other corner of the backest playing a video game on his cell phone. Robbie and Evan are redheaded twins, but not the identical kind.

  Camp friends are kids who do not go to your school or live in your town
. You only see them during the summer, but you really like them, and you know them really well because you live in the same cabin with them for six weeks and eat every meal together and play games and lots more. It’s one of the reasons why I love Camp Windward.

  Georgie and Robbie were on their knees looking out the back window, making faces at kids and talking about using the batteries in Robbie’s mom’s hybrid car to power a laser gun you could mount on its hood.

  Then disaster stepped onto the bus. It was Kevin Welch and his brother, Alex. Georgie and I were in fifth grade with Alex. He is, IMO, a worthless tattler and a twerpy jerk.

  Alex walked toward the back of the bus, making fart noises at everyone. Then he spotted me and grinned as if I were his best friend.

  Not!

  He passed up lots of empty seats and, without asking, plunked down in the empty backest seat, the one I was saving for my camp friend Lenny Kalecki. I immediately pushed Alex back into the aisle and pretend-puked, but Kevin suddenly appeared behind Alex like a sea monster rising up out of the ocean.

  Actually, that’s not a bad description of Kevin. Like a sea monster, he is big, strong, green, and ugly.

  I lied about the green.

  “Your sister wants the camera. Hand it over,” Kevin growgled.

  (I made growgle up to fit with the sea monster thing. It’s a combination of growl and gurgle. It’s not a real word, but it is what Kevin sounded like.)

  “It’s Uncle Bud’s,” I said. “You’ll have to ask him.”

  Kevin gave me a mean look, then walked away to sit with guys his age about five rows up. There will be lots more about Kevin in this book … almost all of it not good.

  Alex just stood in the aisle, grinning stupidly.

  I ignored him and passed out straws and paper to Robbie, Evan, and Georgie.

  “What’re these for?” Robbie asked.

  “Operation Bus Blaster,” I said. “You know …” I put a straw up to my mouth and pretended to shoot a spitball.

  “Just in case,” Georgie said to the other guys.

  I started to put the two straws I was saving for me and Lenny back in my sock, but Alex grabbed one, laughed, and ran off to sit somewhere. Then I heard a loud “Wind-WHOOP!” and everyone turned to the front of the bus.